Sh*t Writers Say, As Told By Guy In Your MFA

It’s that time of the year again!! It’s National Novel Writing Month!!

I’ve decided to kick off the glorious season by starting with a post about, you guessed it, writing. (Right now I’m probably slaving away at my keyboard, trying to get that word count up.) National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short, is exactly what it sounds. Ever tried to write at least 50,000 words in 30 days? It’s certainly not a feat for the faint of heart and especially the uninspired. I tried NaNoWriMo once before, but I didn’t make it. However, just trying to get anywhere near that 50,000 word mark is impressive enough in itself.

So who is Guy In Your MFA, you say? If you have no idea who I’m talking about, you clearly aren’t using Twitter to its full potential.

Guy In Your MFA was my life during writing workshops. I’ve been there, I’ve done this, and I’ve heard all of this. Okay, maybe I’ve said a few myself . . . don’t judge me. We’ve all had low points in our lives we don’t like to look back on. However, I’m not guilty of them all – there are just some writers who say sh*t that you just can’t get over. Hence, why I love Guy In Your MFA.

Who says you have to be a writer to appreciate the cynical and hilariously hypocritical writing life? Everyone’s a writer in some form or fashion. We’re just the ones to take it to the next level. If you’re looking for another elective to fill those credits, I would definitely recommend a writer’s workshop or two. You’re bound to meet some interesting characters along the way and probably have just as many stories to tell by the end.

So here’s the story of Sh*t Writers Say, told by everyone’s favorite MFA student who never seems to graduate.

That one writer in class who instantly tries to get super meta.

What every writer has thought at least once. Don’t lie.

The writer who always sits next to you during workshop.

When the critiques come back and they interpret it as the meal scene didn’t have enough sex appeal.

Usually hat dude and this dude are the same person. Inspiration has no page limit.

When non-writers ask something simple like, “what would you like to drink” and they still want to sound profound because being a writer is a 24h profession.

That writer who can’t take outside opinions – even though that’s all writing is.

When they’ve forced the entire class to read a 20 page manuscript about a brilliant detective named Samuel Higgins, his not so brilliant narrator friend called Jack Wade, and their crazy and dangerous crime adventures.

Everyone put down their pens. The writer drama is about to unfold.

Those writers who haven’t looked up the word workshop in the dictionary.

When writers try to sprinkle in just a few small allusions from previously “slightly famous” works.

Those writers who proudly toss in their original plot twist after you’ve already had to read 10 pages of utter B.S.

When you ask a writer what their plans are for the weekend.

When writers actually try to pick up non-writers.

Those writers who see success as the greatest sin of all. You’re not doing it right unless all you’ve got to your name is your failed manuscript and a bottle of whisky.

The complete douchebag who never misses a single class no matter how many times you pray to all the gods you studied in that one world religions course you took over the summer.

You’ve fallen for (or used) this pick-up line at least once . . . okay, maybe twice.

While you’re at it, follow The Guy In Your MFA on Twitter, as well as Dana Schwartz’s other glorious parody account called Dystopian YA Novel. All tweets belong to her. I’m just here to create the memes.